As I read this blog post from Drop Bear Exterminator, I couldn’t help feel I was peeking into the mind of my fiance, Dan, who killed himself several years ago. After he died, many people tried to explain to me what he was probably thinking…why he did it…why anyone does it. But, I still always wondered what was going through his mind. Now, I feel like I have a better understanding. Thank you, Wombat.
If we want to prevent more suicides, it’s important for us to understand the state of mind of a suicidal person. We think what they do is illogical, but they have their own logic. And unfortunately, the logic of a suicidal mind is often very strong.

Drop Bear Exterminator

(Note: This is not my current frame of mind)

I wish I hadn’t woke up this morning. I wish that I would just not wake up. Can I stay asleep longer? I can’t feel the misery when I’m asleep. Sleep has run away though. 

I don’t want to keep going. I just don’t have it in me to be good enough for the world. I want it all to just disappear. I can’t keep coping with what’s being thrown at me. I can’t live up to everyone’s expectations. The world would be better off without a person like me in it.

I’m sure I have a knife sharp enough to slit my throat. But it’s kind of messy, I don’t want to make a big mess. It’s not fair to whoever needs to clean it up. Maybe if I did it in the shower? Then it would be easy. If…

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2 thoughts on “

  1. That’s true, suicidal people have their own logic. In addition to teaching a graduate level course that deals with suicide, I nearly lost a daughter to suicide two summers ago. Because she survived, we were able to get deeper glances into her mindset, and it was really upsetting. The things she was saying at this time didn’t remotely sound like the person we had known for 14 years as our precious daughter. Her suicide note was chilling, as those notes nearly always are (when the suicidal person leaves one to begin with, which they usually don’t).

    I am deeply sorry to hear of Dan’s suicide. It took my family more than a year to recover just from our daughter’s ATTEMPT. I kept saying to my wife, “This is how bad it hurts when a person attempts suicide and LIVES.” We were in agony, and I know I still cannot imagine the pain you have been through. So glad you are devoting part of your life to getting word out about suicide and helping to battle the stigma. Because of how close we came to losing our daughter, and how impossible it would have been to predict her attempt (she is from a deeply loving, well-educated family, her mom is a teacher, her dad is a therapist and teaches counseling to graduate students, she is beautiful and intelligent, has amazing friends, gets awesome grades, and was actually seeing a counselor and under medical care for depression), our hearts are forever with people and families who are struggling with this issue.

    Continued success and well-being to you.

  2. Bless you as well for the work you do! And thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I’m still learning this whole “changing the world” business, so any positive words mean so much! 🙂

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