In Honor of My Dear Friend, Suzy

She lost her battle with cancer, and leaves behind her partner, my friend Bobby. I’m very upset. She struggled for so many years. It doesn’t seem fair, but does it ever? I’m having a hard time expressing my sadness and anger. I know I need to cry and I just can’t. For some reason, I’ve always struggled with expressing that kind of emotion. Crying. It doesn’t come easily for me, and I don’t know why. But after my experience losing Dan, it’s become even harder for me to express grief. I think because my grief for Dan was so traumatic, I’m afraid to go down that road again.

Dear Suzy, I feel the tears welling up and my chin begins to tremble. But then I blink, shift my focus, pet the dog, clean something. Until my mind wanders back to you again. The tears haven’t fallen yet, I’m afraid to let them go. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to say goodbye. You had the best Christmas tree of anyone I’ve ever known. You were gracious and kind to everyone you met. You saved Bobby’s life. You are dearly loved. You will be sorely missed.

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4 thoughts on “In Honor of My Dear Friend, Suzy

  1. Carrie, I’m So sorry for your loss.
    I know what you mean, as I’ve lost TO many to cancer. My best friend Sue passed in 2002 of cancer and passed right before our Birthdays in late Nov. For many years we celebrated our friendship and Birthdays together. Mine is the 26th, and hers the 27th. Needless to say, I could not handle her loss well, and ended up with a Mental & Emotional break down, and spent 15 days in a Crisis Center due to my 1st failed suicide attempt. It also didn’t help that I was suffering from Bipolar and severe Depression Undiagnosed for many years.

    I think it took this Life Event that kicked my over the Edge! We all grieve differently. You’ll be in my Heart, Prayers and thoughts…xxoo… God Bless, Catherine

  2. Carrie. Loss is such a hard thing to contend with and we do contend with it. Fear of the pain of feeling and processing the loss is only natural for us that are still earth bound. It does come in waves and can grip you when you least expect it. It is ok to just let it hurt and cry it out until it lifts and passes. You will see Suzy again and many others that have gone on before you. This separation is not forever..it’s just for now. I hope you can find some comfort in that thought. Go ahead an mourn it how you need too, but know this is not the end! Blessings upon you! Queen Of Hearts

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