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In Honor of My Dear Friend, Suzy

She lost her battle with cancer, and leaves behind her partner, my friend Bobby. I’m very upset. She struggled for so many years. It doesn’t seem fair, but does it ever? I’m having a hard time expressing my sadness and anger. I know I need to cry and I just can’t. For some reason, I’ve always struggled with expressing that kind of emotion. Crying. It doesn’t come easily for me, and I don’t know why. But after my experience losing Dan, it’s become even harder for me to express grief. I think because my grief for Dan was so traumatic, I’m afraid to go down that road again.

Dear Suzy, I feel the tears welling up and my chin begins to tremble. But then I blink, shift my focus, pet the dog, clean something. Until my mind wanders back to you again. The tears haven’t fallen yet, I’m afraid to let them go. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to say goodbye. You had the best Christmas tree of anyone I’ve ever known. You were gracious and kind to everyone you met. You saved Bobby’s life. You are dearly loved. You will be sorely missed.

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