This is who you leave behind when you commit suicide. My heart goes out to all those who are grieving tonight. Hang in there, the pain WILL ease in time.
You who could not stand to hurt the smallest of creatures, how could you end your life so violently? You who knew that I could not stand to see an injured animal, how could you leave me to find my heart and soul in a pool of blood? Oh my God! Please just don’t let this be real, or please let me escape the images and the pain.
Yet I know in my heart that in your darkest hour that morning, you did not wish to hurt me. I just have to believe this. Today I don’t see any way to keep living, but I must because of our son. How I would love to sleep forever and let the pain go.
From a wonderful new blog I have just discovered, written by someone with great insight into life and especially death. Please check out the blog of a mortuary mouse.
- Pet Grief: National Day of Mourning Established (lawandmore.typepad.com)
- Loss: 4 Ways to Move Forward and Counter If-Only Guilt (psychologytoday.com)
- How to Help a Grieving Person (littleblogoflettinggo.com)
<continued from “Grief: WHAT is it? WHY is it?”>
Grief can be defined as the emotional reaction to a loss.
Mourning can be described as the process of adaptation or adjustmentto the loss.
It is necessary to point the difference out between those words, which are often used interchangeably.
They are related but not synonymous.
In the last post, I talked about grief as being a ‘necessary evil’ due to the fact that we assign or attach value and make emotional investments in other people (or things, ideas, or abstractions). When we lose someone important in our personal lives, we react at first. We are hurt, saddened, devastated. But we cannot remain in this state of being in perpetuity; we need to find ways…
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** Update 8/2014 – Proceeds have been donated, and I am in the process of making the e-book free, and the paper back as cheap as I’m allowed. See my donation post here: Donation of my Proceeds to The Lifeline **
As most of you probably know, I’m donating all the proceeds of the sale of my book to The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. My original goal was to make a donation once I made $100 of sales. I haven’t gotten there yet, but felt I should let anyone who is interested know of my progress. I may never get to that point, lol. 😉
Just so you know how I’m paid, there are two different formats available, a regular print book and a Kindle book. The paper back sells for $9.89 on Amazon, and for each sale, I get $2.29. The Kindle sells for $2.99, and for each sale I get around $2.04. There are some slight differences based on what country it’s sold in and whether it’s borrowed from the Kindle Lender’s library or purchased.
Grief is the normal reaction and response to loss. The loss can be due to a death, divorce, loss of a job, loss of custody of a child, or anything involving the separation of the individual from someone or something important to them. Often, when we think of grief, we only think of death, but the loss of a relationship can feel exactly like death to many people.
It can be quite scary and alarming to watch someone in the deepest throes of profound grief. Often, people will become almost paralyzed with uncertainty about how to help, or what is normal. Sometimes, normal grief can become “complicated grief” in which grief becomes debilitating and does not improve over time. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that a person cannot accept the loss and resume their life.
On the flip side, many times a grieving person will hide away the true extent of their suffering. The people around them may not know how much pain they are in, and how much support they really need.
I received a very compelling and thought provoking comment on my post, They Don’t Want to Die. They Just Want Attention. You can read the entire comment, as well as my reply there. But to sum up, Wren challenged my use of the phrase “suicide survivor” as applying to those left behind after the suicide of a loved one. Here is an excerpt of that comment:
“I know what people mean when they say “suicide survivor” – that a loved one has taken their own life. I’m unaware of any other disease or condition that people die from where others call themselves “survivors of.” Relatives of people who have died of cancer don’t call themselves “cancer survivors.” Instead, they have lost a loved one TO cancer…
The closest I ever came to committing suicide involved holding a loaded gun to my head. It was a few weeks after my fiancée, Dan, had committed suicide by shooting himself in the head. When my finger touched the trigger, it was pure exhilaration. There was no sadness, no despair, no darkness. It was pure joy. When I began to increase the pressure on the trigger, everything that had ever been in my life just opened up and fell away from me.